So, I think it is time that I wrote a blog worth reading, for a change. Enough of the pointless rambling (although I must admit, it is quite fun), I want to write a blog with meaning and feeling.
Not to mention, this is something I've been wanting to blog out about for quite some time.
Here we go.
I'd like to talk a lot about God and the things that I've experienced with Him.
I have always craved a wonderful relationship with my Father in Heaven. I think it's more than difficult to describe a good relationship with God.
Seeing as everyone is different, the relationships we have with God are going to be different, as well. It's hard to say what a "good relationship" is, and what isn't, because God knows what he wants to do with each person, and maybe that person is experiencing things that we cannot see.
Anyway, I've always wanted a special relationship with Him. I have shared things with God (feelings I mean) where I know that He is right next to me. Sometimes I feel as if He is literally just holding my heart and refilling it with His love and compassion. Others, I feel like He is filling my head with knowlege.
Sometimes I can feel Him living through me, and I can't help but smile and jump around. Because it is so exciting to have Him shine His light through me.
All of these amazing things, happen to me quite often. I'll randomly feel His love surrounding me.
Sometimes I feel completely isolated and distant from Him. Like a big cloud or bubble is surrounding me and blocking my heart from God. Sometimes I feel hesitant and don't know how I can reach out to Him once again. I don't feel Him anymore, and as much as I hate it, He feels gone.
It's so very irritating, I will tell you that!
Each time I feel Him around me, and feel His love helping me through the day, I always think, "I've finally got Him to myself. Forever. FINALLY I can maintain this wonderful feeling and relationship that I've got right now. This feeling will last forever. I never again will feel without God."
And within a couple of days, it's back to the same old same old. Something is guarding my heart and blocking out His love.
But what is it?! I've got no idea.
I have noticed that I find God in many different places.
For example, when I wake up in the weeee hours of the morning, and go out to sit on the front porch, I can just see and feel God everywhere.
Basically anytime I am outdoors, I can feel God right next to me.
It's quite strange, but maybe that is the way it's supposed to be. For me, anyway.
Also, I have considered that sometimes I get distracted. Everything in life overtakes me, and my reality becomes more important than my spiritual world. It's almost like it's two different worlds, which definitely isn't good.
My reality SHOULD BE my spiritual world.
I've prayed constantly about this. God obviously knows what He is doing with me, but I simply can't understand why at times, I feel so distant from Him and seem to forget about what is important.
I think that everything my life just begins to pile on top of one another, and I get stressed about it all, so I worry about taking care of things before I worry about taking care of things with God.
Which is really stupid of me, because if only I would turn to God first, He could help me through it all.
I have no idea what it is that seems to randomly block my heart from God's love and knowlege. It could be Satin, it could be distraction, it could be something God is trying to show me.
I don't know. But I hope I find out soon.
If you've got ideas or anything, I'd love to hear them. :)
In the meantime, I'll just continue with my prayers.